Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. A whopping 62 percent of married folks in her study wound up having an affair with their ex even though they didn't reach out to them with any such plan in mind. I told him I am married now. "You can't compare the person who you experienced a first or early love with to someone who you've had a deep abiding love with for many years through the course of a . We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. The only reason your ex is trying tore-establish contactis that they need some advice about a serious issue theyre having. This post originally appeared at Attract The One. QueasyAllday 1 yr. ago ouch TX_Farmer I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. But the only one I have on social media now is the one that took my virginity. If you stay in no contact (and you should), youll recover in a matter of days (most likely). When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. The first time he reached out, he called me a monster because I aborted a pregnancy I had with him when I was 15. Only exes who dont talk for 5 years or more sometimes start to change their opinion of their ex. I doubt that that's why he would reach out, he's the one who got apologies from me shortly after the breakup (which he did get shortly after, but probably not in the most though through way) thanks for sharing. I am still not sure if its a good idea. Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. It was interesting seeing him again. We're all human. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. ). I'd been warm and affectionate with him, but except during sex (we were each others first), I never said I loved him. Temper expectations, but reach out if its something you feel you would like to doregardless of the response. Although you had problems when you were together, you always worked it out and were happy. Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. Dont reach out with specific expectations about an old friends responsereach out because you would like to hear their voice again and check in, and nothing more. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. Years after that, I was going to be back in our old area again. If they were unwilling or incapable of giving you closure themselves, reconnecting with an ex after 10 years isnt going to do the trick. 5. We also struggled with communication but we were young so makes sense lol). Do what's best for you. If your ex and you had a very on-again-off-again kind of relationship, do you think bringing that back into your life is a healthy decision? There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. Do exes come back after leaving for someone else? Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. If this companionship usually hurts you when they ghost you again, its better not to indulge in it. In searching for the familiar, we may be drawn back to past times in our lives when our cares seemed so much lighter than they do now. He also had trust issues before we got together. I tried so much to get her to stay but ended up hurting myself really badly in the process as she was my first so I really wanted it to work. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? Unfortunately, though, she didnt miss you long enough. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. But instead of telling yourself something like, My ex contacted me after 2 years and Im starting to think they have genuinely changed, try to take a minute to assess the whole situation. Maybe they want you to come to the hospital and say goodbye, or theyre calling to invite you to the funeral. Apparently he had heard a rumor that I had found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had aborted the baby. But he wasn't thrilled about it, but we all agreed to never meet in person. My ex contacted me after 18 months of no contact during lockdown. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask your ex some questions back. A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. But just because it's possible, it doesn't mean that it will happen on your terms. Bye." Chapter closed. But years later, they realize they could have worked their way through their problems and that breaking up was a mistake. On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. Some dumpers break up with their partners, enjoy their lives, date other people for a while, and then realize they arent happy. But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. This reminds us that whatever the threat is that were facing, it can be overcome. Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? Some couples break up in the heat of the moment for ridiculous reasons. If you have seen this behavior before from your ex, dont dive in headfirst. In all honesty, there is no "after no contact" as no contact is . As if you both needed a reason to get even more heavily chemically attached to each other. This helps us in two different ways. Now, she wants to meet for coffee and I cant resist myself because I still need that closure. A year and a half is a long time to not speak to an ex. Dont go looking for closure when an ex contacts you years later, moved on and found happiness all over again, 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It, 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, 51 Non-Cliched Second Date Ideas That Will Lead To A Third, 18 Things To Say To Reassure Your Boyfriend About Your Relationship, 13 Encouraging Early Signs Of A Good Relationship, Dating An Overthinker: 15 Tips To Make It Successful, Telepathy In Love 14 Undeniable Signs You Have Telepathic Connection With Your Partner, 25 Ways To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl, The 7 Phases Of Dating You Go Through Before Youre Officially A Couple, 17 Effective Ways To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work, 21 Zoom Date Ideas You And Your SO Will Love, 150 Truth Or Drink Questions: Swirl Some Fun, Sizzle, Kinks, And Romance, How To Make A Girl Think About You 18 Tricks That Always Work, 55+ Flirty First Date Questions | Jaw-Dropping List of 2023, Are You Scared To Be In A Relationship? Your life will probably look a lot different now to when you were with your ex. Part of the need to re-connect is driven by the ambiguous threat of the pandemic and, practically speaking, part of it is likely due to the greater number of hours of alone time that we may feel the need to fillto get our minds off our own circumstances, in some cases, and focus on something more positive, or at least feel like were doing something to support someone else. Why would an ex contact you years later? 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Its imperative that you learn why your ex reached out after so many years so that you know what to do with your ex. Whats going on? Secondly, it also gives us evidence that others have successfully faced similar challenges. Its . Anyways, the first time we broke up (friendship) was 2017. But that doesnt mean the deeper connection between them would disappear just like that. I know ex wanted me back at first, but I didn't want that. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I suggest you contact your ex or have someone contact him for you. In some cases, exes break up and get back together more than once due to unhealthy relationship patterns or beliefs. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. My husband gave me the grace to get extremely needed closure with him. Seeing your ex after a long time could be extremely overwhelming. This is not about playing games, its about knowing if you really want to restart a conversation with a person who you have dated in the past. I help over 1 million men a year radically transform their lives for the better after being dumped. That passed quickly anyway. It creates so much confusion because your ex's actions are conflicting. We were together for about 5 years until she broke it off. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. To handle an ex coming back with dignity, you should ponder on all the probable scenarios to stay a step ahead of them. Several reasons exes may contact you are below. If your relationship went on for any significant period of time, it can be really easy to start fantasizing about how awesome dating is going to be once its over. Absolutely nothing, your ex doesnt have an ulterior motive. Exes might get back together if the reasoning for a breakup was mutual or based on uncontrollable life circumstances. Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. If the apologizing part of the plan goes well, they might even express their willingness to get back together. Out of curiosity: if you ever reached out to an ex boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband/ wife years later: what did you want out of it? (ETA: Not in an obsessive "someday-we'll-be-together-again" way, lol. She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) The ill-fated lets be friends cliche is still alive and well. We were both in happy LTR's, so there was no flirting or anything like that, but it felt really good to speak honestly and openly. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. When were facing something scary, we do like to hear about people whove survived a similar threat or something even worse. Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with. Want to know more? I was tired of her treating me badly subtly, so I unfriended, deleted, and we stopped talking a few months. They noticed your transition from sad to happy, and the expression of contentment on your face is threatening to them. I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. I'd like to apologize to him because he didn't deserve that. They're angry with you. An immediate response is never a good idea. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. Reaching out to an ex after months or years later. Your ex wasnt committed to coming back. If your relationship ending with your ex has left you in a therapists room, it is wiser to leave the ex in the past. I'm here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you and it's something you shouldn't ruin. Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. If youre focused and working on your goals, will your ex become a distraction? What if the ex just wants to hook up and would want to do it with someone familiar rather than a stranger? You gave her a chance and she blew it. If you are in a monogamous relationship and your exs texting you is making your heart throb in your stomach, you need to spill it to your partner. This is super interesting as information. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. The bottom line is that if youre thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. I (M32) am having trouble with my ex (F30) as she keeps trying to contact me years after we broke up. Until you reach 41 weeks, your provider may not do anything unless there are problems. Outside the bedroom, you werent compatible at all. Do not use it as an opportunity to continue the mud-slinging. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about it? Remember, friendships are often place-bound or time-bound relationships and their remembered intensity may be reflecting more about the intensity of that period of your life rather than the depth of that friendship. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back.